Nutz: Chasing a Noodle

I used to be indecisive... now I'm not so sure. 

Humour

Welcome to the Humour blog archive, containing all of my recent blogs about this subject.


 

Japan Day 11 - Kyoto And The Wig Of Love

I received a blog comment this morning from Sue in Bexhill (this is becoming like Points of View), who says: "Alastair, this whole holiday seems to be centred round eating."

With that being the case, it would surely mean that something like constipation would be very unfortunate and probably quite amusing, right? No, wrong! I'm not a great fan of discussing bowel movements on blogs (do you think there is some kind of cult that does?), but no-one has been this full of crap since Bill Clinton stood in court and explained that Monica was only bending over to pick up a pencil. I haven't had a number 2 for two and a half days! It must be all the meat we've been eating.

To make matters more interesting - when the inevitable 'avalanche' does occur, the toilet paper here isn't exactly triple velvet… it's more like single tracing!

Enough of this excrement. There's rumours going around here that John and Edward have survived another week on the X-Factor... and that Simon Cowell is actually their father… I can't believe that!

Back to the story of the day. After initially spending some time blogging over breakfast, we headed out to the Kiyomizu Temple in Kyoto. We picked a lovely day for it - the sun was out and it was lovely and warm as we made our way through the tiny streets (photograph 1) and up through the main gate (photograph 2). The temple itself was a very interesting place and we spent some time wandering around the area taking photographs (photographs 3 and 4). There were a few interesting sights - the temple itself, the lovely scenery, a Japanese transvestite (very scary) and the Kyoto Teachers' Union petitioning to abolish nuclear weapons (photograph 5). Yes, if Obama, Gordon and the United Nations can't get Iran to abandon its nuclear weapons programme, the Kyoto Teachers' Union surely will! No, good on them, I say.

One of the buildings near the temple itself was the Kyoto Jishu Shrine (said to be The Cupid of Japan), together with a statue of Ojuninushino-Mokoto (photograph 6), the Japanese God who is "in charge of love and good matches" (not the kind used for lighting fires). In front of the main shrine building, there are a couple of stones set about ten metres apart. These are named the 'love-fortune-telling' stones (photograph 7). I felt a bit wary of them, after my fortune telling experience from yesterday.

Supposedly, if a person manages to safely walk from one love stone to the other with their eyes closed, and, I guess, avoiding the swarms of tourists, their love "will be realised". I saw a few people trying this. However, something inside me felt worried. I had a vision of myself starting to walk from the first love stone, eyes shut, arms out infront… and that Japanese transvestite walking infront right at the most in-opportune moment. A handful of male buttocks (or worse) would not be a pleasant experience. If that incident isn't frightening enough, there is the prospect of it signifying that my love will "be realised" with a man in a wig.

On the way back down from the love stones, I spotted a little section containing bad fortunes tied to posts (photograph 8). If you remember from my earlier post, people start by picking or buying a fortune. If it is good they keep it, if it is bad they dispose of it by attaching it to a tree or post. I have questions about this. Firstly, do pessimists act differently to everyone else and tie good fortunes to those posts? Secondly, if you have someone that you really hate - is it acceptable to tie your bad fortune around their ankles instead of around a tree branch? Come on, I haven't got all day, what are the answers?

After our visit to the Kyoto Jishu Shrine, we took a few more photographs (9,10 and 11) and then headed off for lunch (no fascinating photos this time - we had pizza). Then we walked around the corner to a little house that taught some quick lessons in Japanese archery. I'm going to blog about this separately as it was quite fascinating and great fun.

The final photograph on tonight's blog is of dinner. I couldn't go without having a photo of food now, could I? This dish is Taiwanese dumplings - meat or fish surrounded in a pasta-like substance (don't you just love detail) or in a bready bun. I really enjoyed them.

News update: Mark has just called my room to tell me that we've just had a small earthquake. "It was 10km deep around Kyoto at magnitude 2.9." I didn't feel a thing.

Good night all. If you haven't yet read my three extra blog posts from this morning: Japanese Spinach Doughnuts, Purikura (Japanese Photo Booth) and Misfortune Favours The Unfortunate please feel free to either scroll down (assuming you're on the homepage) or click the link of your choice.

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Misfortune Favours The Unfortunate

I'm not greatly into the whole 'fortune telling' thing (to say the least). But, yesterday, Liz and I paid some money into a little fortune telling machine here in Kyoto. Hey, it looked like fun, what harm could it do? I've attached a small video to this blog post, so that you can see what it was like. I've also included a photo of the fortune itself. 

Quite simply, the fortune machine included a wooden lion dancing robot mask thing (great description, eh? Mark came up with that one after I asked him what it was!). After we put our money in, the 'wooden lion dancing robot mask thing' danced around a bit, bowed several times and then grabbed a fortune and dropped it down the hole. Liz and I immediately unwrapped our fortunes and read them. Mine was said to be an "excellent" one. So, no need for me to locate a tree and tie it to it… or so I thought. Here are some of the things it said (my comments are in brackets):

Business: "Take your time"
(ok, I will. Thanks. I now have an excuse for being a bit slack with getting projects done!)
Study: "All right. Continue studying."
(ok…. goooooooood…. what studying is that then!?)
Speculation: "The market is fluctuating now. It's time you make it"
(isn't the market always fluctuating - that's just the economic cycle, surely? It's a bit like saying "time is ticking by" or "the post men are on strike...")
Game and match: "Depend on your partner or team mates"
(sounds pretty normal to me)
Childbirth: "Keep regular hours"
(I wasn't aware I was going to be giving birth any time soon, but thanks for the tip!)
Wish: "It will surely be fulfilled later."
(super… would you like to expand a bit more and give me an estimated timescale on when I can expect my extra arm to grow?)
Missing Thing: "It's hard to be found. It will fall into other hands."
(that's the amazing thing about missing things - it's always so hard to find them. I guess that's why they are called "missing")
Expected Visitor: "He (or she) is sure to come, even if later."
(hmm, it's rather hedging it's bets on this one - the expected visitor could be a he OR a she. Also, whoever he/she is, they are sure to come at some point, even if it takes them 50 years. Great, I'll put the kettle on...")

Now, at this point I can tell what you're thinking - "well, knock me down with a spinach doughnut -  how does that fortune telling machine know you so well?" I really don't know - it's amazing. But wait, it gets better - here is the really interesting bit:

Travel: "Little profit. Something bad will happen on your way home"

That's right - that 'wooden lion dancing robot mask thing' gave me a (mis)fortune that said that something bad is going to happen to me on Sunday, when I travel home. I have been thinking about it and the list of potential catastrophes is fairly large: everything from me choking on an airline pretzel to my plane crash-landing on a desert island.

So, what I need you to do now is to put your hands together in prayer, and lets hope that the 'bad thing' is just that I stub my toe on the plane toilet door.

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Purikura (Japanese Photo Booth)

Whilst in Kyoto yesterday, Liz, Sayaka, Mark and I tried out the latest in trendy teenage fads - Purikura. Purikura involves using a series of machines to take photographs (whilst striking up funny poses) and then decorating the photographs with all sorts of horrible, garish, pretty graphics. Liz had tried this ordeal before and had somehow survived. So, she was determined to get us all to try it. Let me take you through what happened:

The shop itself was a bit like an amusement arcade, only it was filled with teenage girls (photograph 2). I felt half like a pervert holding a bag of sweets and half like a granddad (does that give you a good vision?). There were several machines located around the room, so we walked around to try and find one that was free, which we eventually (thankfully) did.

The Photo Booth

This was stage one of the process, and proved a good opportunity to hide my embarrassed face away from the young female onlookers. Photograph 2 shows what you see when you walk into the photo booth. Essentially, it was a series of lights with a camera in the middle and a screen to show you what you look like. When we entered, there was an aroma of teenage girl sweat which made you consider vomiting in the corner right there and then (what a great photograph that would have made!). The machine took 6 photographs, with breaks in between so that we could move around and strike up different poses. The difficult thing to remember was to look at the camera and not at the screen. Once the machine had taken the 6 photographs, we sprinted out of the booth, like excited teenagers shoplifting for the first time, and moved on to machine 2…

Customising Your Photographs

Stage two involved using a computer pen to touch the screen and personalise the photographs. However, there was a catch. Everything was timed, which made the whole thing incredibly stressful. I could feel my pacemaker going nineteen-to-the-dozen and I found myself biting my Werthers Originals so hard that my dentures almost cracked and fell out. All of the instructions were in Japanese, with pictures to aid us and a big countdown clock in the middle (no sign of Carol Vorderman anywhere!). After adding all sorts of colourful graphics, the system gave us the opportunity to send the pictures to our phone. Once again, we only had a certain number of seconds in which to enter our details.

By the end of the ordeal, we left the place perspiring and I felt like I had aged another 20 years. It was sort-of fun, in a similar way to picking up a knife and sticking it into a hot toaster 'just to see what happens'…. and similarly shocking.

Photograph 3 shows us sweating outside the Purikura place and photographs 4 and 5 are two of the resulting photographs.

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Hadron Collider stalled again... thanks to baguette

How funny...

The rehabilitation of the beleaguered Large Hadron Collider was on hold tonight after the failure of one of its powerful cooling units caused by an errant chunk of baguette.

The £4 billion particle-collider faced more than a year of delays after a helium leak stymied the project in its first few days of operation. It is gradually being switched back on over the coming months but suffered a new setback on Tuesday morning.

Scientists at the CERN particle physics laboratory in Geneva noticed that the system’s carefully monitored temperatures were creeping up.

Further investigation into the failure of a cryogenic cooling plant revealed an unusual impediment. A piece of crusty bread had paralysed a high voltage installation that should have been powering the cooling unit. 

Read the full article in The Times 

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Who Wants To Be a Chocolate Eclair?

This is an extra little bonus on top of today's Japan blog (day 9). Whilst on our road trip today, it seemed like an opportune moment to do some brainstorming and come up a new, crazy Japanese game show. I based my idea on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. So, without further ado, let me introduce to you to my game show… Who Wants To Be a Chocolate Eclair?

The show is based upon the same format as the original - 15 questions to win - with just a few changes... 

Firstly, instead of 'fastest finger first', it's 'fastest sponge finger first' - the quickest contestant to eat a packet of sponge fingers gets to take his/her place in the hotseat.

Secondly, the three 'life lines' have changed:

Phone a Fiend: You have the opportunity to phone a fiend from a pre-selected list of well-known fiends. This list includes, but is not limited to, The Joker, Dracula, Hannibal Lector (useful for questions about wine), Skeletor and Dastardly & Mutley (I would advise not speaking to Mutley, or your 30 seconds will just end up being filled with his evil 'hehehehehehehehehehe'). Unlike the original 'phone a friend' option, fiends are unlikely to want to help you find the correct answer. A few of them will probably just want to know where you live and what blood type you are…

Ask The Asylum: This gives you the opportunity to survey the audience… which is made up of lunatics (there are plenty of those in Bexhill who are ready and waiting to be involved!) dressed in straight jackets. The audience participants have to push the button for the correct answer using their nose.

0/0/0: Instead of the regular 50/50, this time the computer takes away the right answer and leaves you to pick from the three remaining wrong ones.

For every correct answer that you make, you earn a share in Royal Mail. If you get all your questions right, you win a plate of cooked cow intestines. If you lose, which seems rather inevitable, you get covered in cream, wrapped in choux pastry and covered in chocolate. The asylum members then get released to "tuck in".

So, who wants to go first?


For my Japan day 9 blog post, please scroll down or view it here.

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Japan Day 8 - Read This Or The Dog Gets It!

On the third day of Starbucks Christmas, my good bruv gave to me: one sugar doughnut and a nice cup of hot chai tea.

Today was our final day in Nagano and it started off with some sensible reflection on what I have discovered so far. There is much to admire and be impressed with about Japanese society. There is hardly any crime. Over the last week I have only seen one police car. This is because, by committing crime, they would be bringing shame upon their family. Consequently, you feel safe where-ever you go and you can safely leave your bag on a seat and go up and order coffee. Everyone takes pride in their appearance and their work. Unemployment is low and there is no 'benefit culture' here - if someone loses their job they feel ashamed, so they go straight out to find another one.

To continue this subject further - one thing that bugs me when walking around back home, in Bexhill town centre, is the amount of rubbish bins overflowing with litter. Here in Japan, there are no litter bins. Does that mean that the streets are full of litter? No - completely the opposite. People take pride in their towns and take their rubbish home. Consequently, when you walk around the main shopping streets there isn't a piece of litter to be seen anywhere.

Ok, lets move on to the diary of the day, which mainly revolves around, yes, you guessed it, food. For lunch we met up with Esdras and ate ramen, a traditional Japanese noodle soup with a soft-boiled egg in the middle. This is one of Mark's favourite dishes and it was delicious (photograph 1). After enjoying our ramen, we headed to Starbucks, once again, to do a few hours of work to the background music of "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas". Photograph 2 shows the sugar doughnut and chai tea that I consumed.

After an afternoon of work, we went out to dinner with Sayaka's Mum and Dad for a final goodbye meal. It was great fun and we had a lot of laughs. It also gave me the opportunity to practice some Japanese, Ally style:

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?" is "eh?" (they use that a lot, and I've been singing it in multiple voices, including suprano)
"Toki Doki, Ichy Nichy" is "sometimes….. 1 day" (yes, the English doesn't make sense - I've combined two separate phrases into one for the purposes of 'super-catchy-coolness'. Doesn't the Japanese version sound great!

Sayaka's parents also told me, in Japanese, that my souvenir, for coming to Japan, is my cold. So, I'd just like to put your minds at rest - don't worry, I will be bringing souvenirs home for all of you...

For this evening's meal, we went out to a Korean restaurant. I know what you're thinking at this point, and you're wrong. Lassie was not on the menu. However, there were a few unusual options. Before I begin on that, I must just tell you about my trip to the toilet (ok, stay with me on this one). After opening the door and walking into the closet (I can't read Japanese), I opened the door to the toilet and went inside. There I was greeted with what can only be described as a urinal for midgets with very long necks. I couldn't resist taking a photograph (photograph 3).

Right, now, back to our gastronomic festival of cow. As well as the regular cuts of beef, we ate tongue and organs such as the heart and intestines. All of this was brought to our table for us to cook on a small fire-heated grate in the middle of the table, and was washed down with a nice cold beer.

Whilst chewing on my intestine (that's the first time I've ever been able to say that!), I found myself picturing cows wandering the fields of Japan holding organ donor cards with the restaurant's name at the top. Incidentally, if you're wondering what it's like to eat cow intestine, go and pull the inner-tube out of your bicycle tyre, cut a bit off, dip it in barbecue sauce and stick it in your mouth. Quick tip - make sure you've got a puncture repair kit handy to put it all back together afterwards.

Now, I've mentioned before that Japanese people seem able to eat about 4 times their own body weight at every evening meal. Well, tonight was no exception. I haven't seen so much meat consumed since Takanohana, the Sumo Wrestler, visited an Atkins restaurant for an all-you-can-eat buffet (after a month of religious fasting).

Ok, lets go through the food and drink. Photograph 4 shows Sayaka's Dad with two pints of beer - one small one (mine) and one larger one (his). Photograph 5 is of him drinking his (larger) beer. Photograph 6 is of cow tongue, which is thin and slightly chewy. Photograph 7 is one of the normal cuts of beef - delicious. Photograph 8 shows the meat cooking in the middle of the table. Photograph 9 is of the raw meat dish that we ate WITHOUT cooking it. It was mixed with tomato and a small amount of chilli - delicious. Bicycle tyre at the ready, it's the intestine in photograph 10 (the yellow one).

As a break from the food, photographs 11 and 12 are of Mark and me and of Mark, me, Sayaka's Mum and Sayaka's Dad.

After we had stuffed ourselves stupid (seems to be a continuing theme of this trip), Sayaka's Mum and Dad decided that they hadn't quite had enough of my company. So, they suggested that we drive to another local place that served a more comprehensive menu of delicious desserts. How could we refuse? So, off we went.

After arriving at Coco's - the dessert restaurant owned by a clown (I made that bit up) - I ordered a banana pancake (photograph 13), Sayaka's Dad ordered a chocolate sundae (photo 14), Sayaka's Mum ordered a "green tea chocolate fondant" (photo 15) and Mark ordered a chocolate fondant (photo 16). I tried all of their desserts and they were delicious (I didn't let them try mine though - HAHAHAHA!!!!!) Oh, I forgot to say, photograph 13 also shows the origami rose and swan that I made out of the paper napkins and gave to Sayaka's Mum.

Right, that's about it from me for today. Tomorrow we head south on a road trip. Before I go, though, I must reveal that I tried a Japanese toilet properly for the first time today (no, I haven't been shitting on the bathroom floor all week). I thought I owed it to myself and my… handful… of followers to give it a go. At the start, it's quite strange and un-natural as the water is sprayed into your derriere. You find yourself chuckling slightly - firstly out of slight embarrassment at the thought of what is going on and secondly at the slight tickling sensation. Get your garden hose out and try it yourself - just make sure the neighbours are away and, for goodness sake, don't get frostbite!

To conclude - if you ever find yourself walking past a toilet door in Japan and you hear someone chuckling, they're either having their bottom sprayed or... they're reading my blog (or both… hmm, that's a weird thought!)

Good night.

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Japan Day 7 (Part 2) - Spinach and Bras

Remember, remember the 5th of November. Well, actually, no, don't remember that date at all, you fools! Here in Japan it's 'remember, remember, the 30th of November'. It obviously took Guy Fawkes a bit longer to get to Japan... Incidentally, that was Mark's joke - I borrowed it - thanks Mark! (crap joke, wasn't it!)

Today, I noticed an interesting similarity between South Africa and Japan. That is to say that their road workers work in similar ways. How many Japanese road workers does it take to repair a road? Three - one to repair the road and two to stand on either side of the coned-off area, waving flags. Photograph 1 of this section shows what I mean. I noticed the same thing in South Africa. Mark explained that this happens in Japan because they like to give jobs to people, to get them working rather than being unemployed. Some of them have even evolved their abilities - they can beckon you on with one hand, whilst waving the flag with the other (multi-talented)!

After our earlier trip to Togakushi (detailed in part 1 of today's blog - if you haven't read it, WHY NOT!?!?!?). We headed to Starbucks for a while to do some work and listen to more Christmas music (and gawp at more women). I felt festive today from the very start, so I ordered my first piece of Christmas Cake of this new, and soon-to-be over-long and annoying, Christmas season. Photograph 2 shows my Raspberry Christmas Cake, which tasted... nothing at all like Christmas cake. It was like a raspberry sponge cake - very nice, but not festive. ARE YOU LISTENING STARBUCKS?? Your Christmas Cake is NOT Christmassy! In fact, it's about as Christmassy as the Easter Bunny dressed as a pumpkin with 3.14 written on the side (pumpkin pi)… clever one that, eh!

Ok, on to our evening meal, before I get back to more stupidity. We went to Poco-a-Poco (so good, they named it twice). There we ate pizza (photograph 3) and a creation called OmRice (photograph 4). The Japanese are very clever people - who would have thought of the idea of getting cooked rice in a bowl…. and placing an omelette on the top. Then, not content with sitting back in glee at their cleverness, they went that extra step further and named it OmRice. Genius. Very tasty, too. After those two courses, I felt as stuffed as a taxidermist's workshop. Mark, however, was still going (the greedy b*stard) and he ordered an egg custard dessert. Photograph 5 shows his dessert (together with Sayaka eating in the background). HA - I did it - another photo in my blog of someone eating!

As we were leaving Poco-a-Poco (so good, they named it twice), we spotted some weird fruit shaped halloween ornaments sitting in a bowl on a table (photograph 6). The owner of Poco-a-Poco (so good, they named it twice) (ok, that's getting annoying now!) told us that they had grown these large pear-shaped fruits (calabash) for over a year until they had become huge. They then cut the insides out and made halloween faces out of them. Superb!

My final photograph of the day was taken on the way home, when we stopped at a 24 hour convenience store (how convenient!). Photograph 7 is therefore of…. no, go on, you guess…. yes, that's right - they're Christmas Spinach Doughnuts!! Ok, so they're not actually Christmas ones (though they easily could be, as they are about as Christmassy as the Starbucks cake), but they are spinach doughnuts. Amazing… and probably quite disgusting. I might have to try one before I leave Japan.

Ok, I'm going to end tonight's blog post with another bizarre idea that I thought of, with some help from Mark, tonight (and following a mis-communication with Sayaka). Yes, I'd like to introduce to you: bras with brail - "because, even people with sight problems need to feel some titillation" . Ok, it needs some more work.

Right, I'm off. I need a lie down… and serious medication too, by the looks of it…

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Japan Day 6 (Part 2) - Bah Humbug!

"Hello, good evening and welcome" is the phrase that Sir David Frost used to begin his evening quiz show with. That phrase used to come shortly before he would send his posh hobo friend (with the strange accent) in to have a 'good root around' in the homes of the rich and famous. "What is my point," I hear you ask. "I'm not sure, I've forgotten now," is my response. Anyway, today's blog is a blog of two halves. Think football, but without the spitting and play acting. So, without further ado, here is the second half of today's nonsense from me. If you haven't read part 1, please read that one first (above this one).

Having visited Zenkoji (detailed in part 1), Mark and I headed off to Starbucks (otherwise known as Mark's office) whilst Sayaka went to a local sauna. The first thing I noticed when we walked into Starbucks was the Christmas music. The second thing I noticed was that the place was full of young Japanese women. Not only that, but if you sat there looking out of the window, you would observe a continuous stream of young ladies in short skirts walking past. There's no other way of putting it; Starbucks in Nagano is a pervert's paradise. I felt quite at home working there.

Whilst sitting with my Chai tea; a delicious blend that tastes a lot like Christmas (no, it's not full of pine needles and tinsel), I spotted a very cute girl (in a very short skirt) sitting to my right and attempted to subtly take a photo of her on my phone. It worked - only Mark and everyone else in Starbucks, apart from the girl herself, noticed. Excuse the blurry nature of photograph 1, but you get the idea.

At first the Christmas music was annoying. I found myself having thoughts like "Santa Claus is coming to town... Yeah in about 2 months! As is swine flu, but you won't find me singing about that!". But, after a while I began to get into it and started to feel quite festive, making the Facebook comment "anyone fancy a mince pie and a quick snog under the mistletoe (women only) ? Happy Christmas everyone!" No-one has yet taken me up on the offer... so I've still got a large stock of mince pies.

After spending a few hours working in Starbucks, our laptop batteries ran low and we realised it was time to leave. So we met up with Sayaka again and headed off to find somewhere to eat. We settled at an Italian restaurant, where we ordered courses from prawn salad and pizza to a chocolate truffle (photographs 3 and 4). Whilst waiting for our food to arrive, it seemed like an opportune moment to try on Sayaka's hat (photograph 2).

After finishing dinner, we called in at a DVD rental store on the way home. As we walked in, I couldn't believe my ears. They were playing Auld Lang Syne on their music system. That's Christmas and New Year in one day! It turns out that they play that song during the last 15 minutes of the day, so that people know that they are closing and head for the doors. I can think of better music to play to get everyone to leave the store… anything by Britney Spears, for example.

Ok, that's enough from me for today. TTFN.

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Japan Day 5 - Weetabix and Cuddling Sheep

So, what have I got in store for you today, you lovely people? Three bags of snotty tissues and an important revelation - that's what. We'll start off with the discovery that will shock the world: In Japan, they play music (muzak) with their weather forecasts. I think they should do that in the UK - I love the thought of relaxing to music whilst the female presenters tell us all about their warm fronts.

Day 5 started off with me laying in bed until quite late in the morning. I had no energy whatsoever, but didn't feel particularly sleepy. So, I just lay there. It's amazing how your mind wanders on to bizarre thoughts when you do that. For example, I found myself wondering what famous world structures I could replicate using Mark's over-large collection of Weetabix (see photograph 1).

Shortly after that, I came up with a great new idea to help people get up in the morning. It simply involves wiring your alarm clock snooze button to the mains. Think russian roulette. The alarm clock goes off in the morning and you want to snooze… however, there's a 50/50 chance resting on it. Either the snooze button will work, and you can go back to sleep, or you'll get a blast of several thousand volts and be woken up nicely to get on with your day (or be dead; but without risk there's no adventure!).

Having come up with my brilliant ideas, I finally prised myself out of bed and we ate lunch. Photograph 2 shows Sayaka cooking and photographs 3 shows her creation - delicious vegetable soup. Following that, we ate the raspberry cheesecake that I had been given by Sayaka and Mark at their party (photos 4 and 5).

Though it was very cold here today (4 days ago it was 22 degrees and we were wearing t-shirts), the sun was out and there was a clear view out into the distance. So, I took a couple of photographs of the mountains. Check out photographs 6 and 7. If you look very closely, you will see snow on the mountains. If you look really, really closely you will see a snow leopard sitting on the mountain, picking his nose and drinking Sake…

With it being so cold outside, and my lack of energy, I spent the entire day inside. I've watched seven episodes of Heroes, one of FlashForward and none of Last Of The Summer Wine. I'm hoping that I will be feeling well enough to get out of the house tomorrow, before I get square eyes.

Ok - on to the final set of photographs. Photograph 8 shows some cuddling sheep (attached to a heart balloon) - a present given to Mark and Sayaka. Photograph 9 shows my place card from their dinner party, with my name in Japanese. Photograph 10 is of a flower arrangement made entirely of cardboard. Notice, if you will, the spinning flower on the right. Genius!

Right, I'm off for a snooze… how shocking!

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Japan Day 4 - Tofu and Antibiotics

Konichiwa. Well, there isn't a great deal to tell you about yesterday, so I may have to pad the blog post out with a gradual increase in font size. I was ill for much of yesterday.

Having taken three days to get over the jet lag, to get ill on the fourth day was unfortunate, to say the least.

The day started off well enough - breakfast in the hotel was lovely; a mixture of English and Japanese cuisine. Photograph 1 shows Sayaka eating hers (why is that I keep taking photos of people eating?). Nonchan didn't join us for breakfast as she was still snoozing. Yes, that's right, the potential delight of a hard boiled egg and a glass of grapefruit juice wasn't enough to prize her from her bed.

Before leaving the hotel, I took a photograph out of my hotel room window. To pinpoint a few things in the photograph (photo 2); Nagano station is over to the right, the main centre is over to the left and Starbucks is straight ahead (it wouldn't seem right not to point it out). As you can see, there is no shortage of choice for taxis outside the station.

We headed home from the hotel and I began to feel a bit ill. It started off as a bit of a sniffle, so I thought that getting some fresh air might be a good plan. We went out for lunch and ate a Tofu lunch. Photograph 3 shows the soup, fried tofu, tofu with egg (top middle) and tofu cheesecake (top right). It was all delicious.

Sadly my cold started getting worse and, after a lie down, it developed into a very swollen throat. As a precaution, we went to the local hospital and saw a Doctor. I was half-expecting him to tell me I had swine flu and half-hoping for some kind of Japanese super-miracle "here, try this and you'll be better in no time... oh, and you'll develop a super ability to see through walls and juggle & eat doughnuts without licking your lips". But, he just stared down my throat and said, in Japanese, "it's a bit swollen" - yeah, no kidding mate, thanks. He then filled out a form for antibiotics. It seems that it doesn't matter where you are in the world these days, a Doctor will prescribe you antibiotics for anything from a sore toe to a missing limb. I'm pleased to report that I haven't taken the antibiotics - I'm recovering with use of rest, night nurse and Nurofen Cold and Flu (and Sayaka's great cooking).

So, that was day 4.

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